Maybe...

Its Saturday afternoon and as I sit on my balcony and watch this beautiful tree person swaying in the wind, I wonder. Of course, for the record, I always wonder. The wondering never stops and I never try to stop it. Am I happy?? Why does this one question bother me so much? Is happiness just believing that you are happy and must be because you know that you are better off than so many more people you know? Is happiness really personal? Or is there a formula?

I have tried doing the 'Gandhjii' thing you know... You remember that message from Mahatma Gandhi we all had in the first page of every NCERT text book we have ever opened - "If you are feeling lonely, sad or low.. just try to remember the face of the poorest and hungriest person you have ever seen and you will feel all your sorrows melting away"!! At least that's my version of his message. And it always makes me feel better about my life. I say Better consciously. I do feel better because I am not that person and I wish I could do what I could for that hungry person and I do try to do something after all. But none of that changes the fact that I am not happy and thinking about his face does not make me happy.

So what is the formula? I once asked a friend of mine ... "Would you be happy if you thought that you were with somebody who was 50%+ perfect for you?" and he said, "of course"!! That of course, made me feel very ashamed of myself (and he was just being honest) 'cos I have more than 50% + perfection in my life. But I still come to this balcony once in a week and wonder. And I wonder.