Meaningful crap...

So there are ambitions and then there is that one thing that one really wants to do!! Is there a marked difference in the two for everybody?? I wonder and I wonder out loud. A friend of mine quit his job because he didnt like what it "did" to him. It wasnt about the money. For abt a year he did all kinds of odd jobs till he found something "respectable" (as my parents would define a job), and mainstream but most importantly, something he wants to do. Something that will make a difference!!

Am I jealous? Am I trapped in a world I do not want to be in??? Bear with me for I know we have all gone thro' the "corporate crap" vs "something meaningful" debate several times over starting with our 1st week in college to the first month of work :) But for the lucky few, "something meaningful" is the corporate crap!! How I envy them!! So where am I? I am in a place where I - think - I am happy that I have a job which helps me to pay the bills, mortgages and lets me have enuf to spend on most things I and others want. I am happy abt these things. Am I happy abt the job I have to do? In a world of compromises (what other world do we know) - this is a happy enuf job. Do I look forward to work - and the painful answer is NO!! So somewhere inside me I know that I cannot do this forever. I admire people who can think that hah - that schmuck is going to work (against his inner will)!!! But let me tell the lucky few who are doing what they want to do without having sold out (w/o being defensive but taking it personally) that these shmucks are somebody's children or somebody's sibling and provide for/ take care of somebody else other than themselves.

I guess my answer is that I will quit this some day and do what I want. When is that day is something I do not know!! :) I wish I could figure. That day is when somebody can take over the EMI I pay and my bills till I start over again. With my retro cafe.. which will be a roaring success cos the food will be great and I will love doing what I do. So till that day, a schmuck I shall stay.

" As I sat mulling over the last document,

With just MS Office (2007 I must add) for company and the net, of course,

I realised that it was time to hit the road, half past eight,

Having packed up, I walked down seven floors,

I watched people hurrying to their houses,

or to pubs or to the movies or wherever they went,

but all with the same speed, the same grouses,

Etched on their faces, with the same weight their backs bent.

And I think to my self, where is the end and which is the means?

Are we all mice dancing to the same tune, enacting the same scenes?

Where has life brought us? or did we get here ourselves?

How do we get out? Without hurting the world that on our shoulder dwells?

And then I think again, am I a poet?

So I stop and I go back to my life again,

See you soon, I tell my blog page, when it begins to rain!"

Ha, ha - thats my bit of juvenile poetry so that I dont feel like a lawyer as I sign off! Watch this space for more meaningful posts :)